Being an involved grandparent has renewed my sense of purpose

Sathiya (back, in blue) and his daughter Priya (front, in blue) with their family. 

Having a strong support network can make all the difference for parents as they juggle various responsibilities such as work, household chores, and parental duties. For Priya, enlisting the help of her parents and in-laws in caring for her two children, 11-year-old Tanya, and 5-year-old Aarya, has not only eased her load, but also brought the family closer.

To better understand the role of grandparents in caring for children, we spoke to Priya and her father, Sathiya.

Family support

Priya: I pursued my PhD after getting married and discovered I was expecting in my second year of studies. I was really stressed out as I had to decide whether to pause my PhD to focus on my pregnancy. Thankfully, my parents and in-laws encouraged me to soldier on and were there to support me throughout my journey.

After I gave birth, they helped me and my husband to look after our child, and they continued to do so after our second child came along.  My mum takes charge of cooking for the children and making sure they are well-fed while my dad assumes the role of their playmate and homework helper. Since I often work late, he will see that my daughter’s school assignments are done. So when I reach home, I can quickly review her work and ensure everything is in order.

Sathiya: Seeing how exhausted our daughter and son-in-law were from juggling work and parenting, my wife and I decided to lend our support to help lighten their load.

At the start, I was a bit nervous about handling my grandchildren. They were much younger then. So I would just observe my wife while she fed and changed them. But as they grew older, I gained more confidence and started playing with them, reading them stories, bringing them for outings, and even helping with their homework, just like a teacher!

Finding common ground

Priya: I learnt a lot from my mother, as a first-time mum. However, there are bound to be differences in our parenting styles due to our generation gap. So when I had my daughter, I started sharing what I learned from the hospital’s antenatal classes with my parents and in-laws. They were very receptive to modern techniques and gadgets they were unfamiliar with. This made it easier for our children when they were transitioning between our house and their grandparents' houses.

Sathiya: Like my daughter said, differences may arise. Hence, as grandparents, we are mindful to not overstep boundaries. You can say that we are old-school, but we have always believed that disciplining the children should be the parents’ responsibility, not ours. This is why we do not impose any rules on our grandchildren. 

Forging stronger bonds

Priya: Having my parents and in-laws around allows my husband and me to spend more time together, which can feel like a luxury when you have children. Thanks to them, we have been able to carve out time for frequent date nights and pursue our weekend activities — sports for my husband, and lab work for me.

If you ask me, I would say that the best part about having our personal and couple time is that it not only strengthens our bond but also helps us recharge. This in turn, allows us to come back from each ‘short break’ fully energised and ready to give our best to our children.

Priya: As a young working mom, I am incredibly grateful to have my parents' support. I feel assured knowing that my children are in safe hands, which allows me to focus better at work.

Sathiya: Being this involved as grandparents has renewed our sense of purpose as we get to witness the little ones growing up each day. Furthermore, spending time with our grandchildren also keeps us physically active and mentally stimulated — whether it is playing with them, assisting them with their school work or answering their endless questions!

Sathiya and his grandchildren, Aarya and Dev.

Sathiya: One of the main reasons why I chose to be such a hands-on grandfather is due to my parents and grandparents. They made plenty of sacrifices to devote themselves fully to their children, which has inspired me to prioritise my own children and grandchildren over earning money.

As for traditions and values, we practise these on a day-to-day basis with the hope that our grandchildren may follow in our footsteps. We also instill in them the importance of being respectful to the elders, lending a helping hand to those in need, and not being afraid of failing.

Priya: Our children really look up to their grandparents. In fact, my daughter is so close to her grandparents that she feels more comfortable sharing her secrets with them than me!

Once a parent, always a parent

Sathiya: Once you have become a parent, you will always be a parent. There is this nurturing side that comes out quite naturally when you are around children. So when my son-in-law shared with me the link to the Level 2 Triple P Positive Parenting Programme, I decided to sign up for it. It is a 90-minute seminar that teaches positive parenting strategies, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to learn about modern parenting methods and how to be a more responsible grandparent.

This programme taught me that by normalising failures and teaching children how to manage their emotions, we can help them develop the resilience needed to navigate challenges in adulthood.

Priya: My parents and in-laws are retired. So this is the time where they could be pursuing their interests or going out with their friends. Instead, they have chosen to look after their grandchildren. I recognise that not every grandparent is able to offer the same level of support as my parents and in-laws, which is why I am incredibly grateful to them.

In a world where it has become increasingly common for both parents to be juggling multiple responsibilities, any form of help and encouragement from one’s family, friends, workplace or the community, goes a long way in ensuring no parent ever feels alone and unsupported.

I speak from experience because as a working mom, I often feel like I am divided between work and my children. This makes me feel like I am not giving my hundred percent wherever I am. But seeing my colleagues, who are also juggling their research career and parenting responsibilities, reminds me that I am not alone. As long as I keep trying my best, I know that I am more than enough as a mum, daughter, wife, and daughter-in-law to my loved ones.

Published in March 2024