Love is more than emotions

Having transitioned from university friends to life partners, Elaine (26) and Cheng (29) share their story of love founded on respect and support.

Elaine: Cheng and I met in university. He was a senior, while I was one year his junior. Our community was tight-knit—everyone knew one another. We spent a lot of time together and saw each other as good friends. It was only towards the end of 2017 that we grew really close and felt that we were more than friends. After confessing our feelings mutually, we decided to take things slow and dated exclusively for five to six months with marriage in mind. We were very intentional in being committed to each other.

Cheng: When I met Elaine, I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and was careful about who I dated next. But she was everything I was looking for: adventurous, fun-loving, great at conversations and debates, athletic, wise, and kind-hearted. I love how well she and I fit together as a couple, even though we are complete opposites. I also adore her personality and family, whom I found warm and welcoming. They really inspire me to want to be a better person for Elaine; I knew then that I wanted to be a part of her life.

Elaine: For us, marriage is a lifelong commitment, embodying the vows of ‘for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.’ It goes far beyond a mere merging of assets, a legal contract, or a practical step to achieve material possessions like a BTO. We recognise the significance and responsibility in how we represent marriage to others. I have always wanted our union to demonstrate that enduring love is possible. Moreover, we believe that humans thrive in secure relationships.

Cheng: Marriage helps you grow as a person. It challenges you to not live for yourself but for someone else. And through the process, you learn what true maturity is. 

Elaine: You know, married life gives me the wonderful feeling of being on an extended sleepover with my best friend. Before we got married, we never spent as much time under the same roof or slept over at each other’s place. So, now, every moment feels extra special. Having someone waiting for you at home after a long day—someone you can lean on and share your daily struggles with—is truly a source of joy.

But, of course, things are not always rosy. Spending so much time together can also cause tension. We have our fair share of arguments, especially about our different living habits. I tend to be a bit more organised and tidy compared to Cheng. Then there is the added responsibility of managing a household. Suddenly, you realise there is so much more to look after: bills, chores, and even caring for our parents. Lately, our discussions have been about preparing for children since we would like to have them before turning 30. So, there is definitely more to handle than before.

Cheng: I believe fights are inevitable in a marriage—at least it shows we are communicating. What matters is that we make it a point to talk things through. It reminds me of a piece of advice from my mom. She is a jewellery designer and wanted to make our wedding rings. When we were discussing what to engrave on them, she shared a dream where she saw a single four-letter word: STAY. She explained that a marriage can only work when both partners are willing to stand by each other, come what may. That means courageously addressing issues rather than sweeping them under the carpet.

Elaine: Some might say we married young—I was 25, and he was 28. But the truth is, we did not want to wait until we had our careers all figured out, so there was really nothing holding us back. While I believe timing and practical considerations matter, what truly counts is whether your heart is ready for the commitment of marriage and if you are willing to embrace the beauty of working through things together, even if it gets messy. Cheng has his flaws and imperfections, but one thing that truly drew me to him was his willingness to set aside his ego, reflect on his mistakes, and change. With that, I believe we can make things work—I don’t need him to be perfect.

Cheng: I find the concept of love to be very important. Love is more than an emotion; it is an action and a commitment. This means that, regardless of how you may feel in a given moment, you will always choose to act in a way that is loving and supportive.

Elaine expresses her love through her actions, and there have been times in our marriage when I felt totally exposed. I behaved in ways I was not proud of, and she has seen the darkest sides of me. But even in those moments of vulnerability, she chose to stay instead of pulling away. I remember one incident. We were in a cab, and she was really upset with me. As I stared out the window, consumed by self-loathing, I felt her hand reach out to hold mine. It was a conscious gesture of affirmation and love. And at that moment, I realised that in her eyes, I will always be more than enough for her.

Watch Cheng's and Elaine's story (opens in new tab).

Published in Nov 2023