Passing on a wealth of love and values to my three children

39-year-old Sophia Huang wears multiple hats as a copy editor, children’s book author, upcycling advocate, and devoted mother to three children aged 10, 7, and 4. Her plate may seem full, but the enthusiastic mum would not have it any other way. She firmly believes that with savvy choices, it is possible to juggle work, personal passions, and motherhood.

Sophia: My husband and I both come from big families. Growing up, there was always noise and laughter in our homes. And I guess that is why I always knew I wanted to be a mum someday. I had a happy childhood, and I wanted the same for my own children.

Now as a mum of three, I have come to learn that no amount of planning can fully prepare you for the wild ride that is parenthood. Your life will constantly change with the arrival of each child. All you can do is to adapt along with them.

Do not get me wrong. I love being a mum. But it can be especially tough when your children are sick. They might be coughing and waking up ten to twenty times a night. This means, you have to be up all night to check in on them. And despite being exhausted from the lack of sleep, you still have to work the next day. 

Thankfully, I do not have to travel to work as I have been working from home long before it became a thing! I went from working five days to three days a week when my firstborn turned nine months. But as time went on and my third child came along, I decided to compress my work hours to three hours a day. And that has been the arrangement since 2019.

Part of the reason why I was able to pivot to flexible work much earlier than others is because I have an incredibly supportive boss who understands that working parents like myself may require greater flexibility in terms of their work arrangements.

Of course, the transition from full-time to part-time work came with certain trade-offs. But seeing my children grow and thrive makes every sacrifice worth it.

Having said that, just because I am taking a step back from my career does not mean I am putting my passions on hold. I do have other sidelines, which have given me a sense of identity. Apart from copy editing, I am also a children’s author, public speaker, and an upcycling advocate.

So yes, even though I am currently not earning as much as my peers, I have no regrets as I am still able to pursue my passions while being present for my children.

Parenting is not just about providing for your children. It is about passing on a wealth of love and values that will shape who they will become. It is about teaching them to be kind, resilient, and responsible humans.

We work as a team in this household, and that means everyone pitches in, even the little ones. For example, we expect our children to pack their own school bags, get their uniforms ready, and wash their bowls after eating.

Yes. We could have hired a full-time helper, but we chose not to because we want our children to be independent, resilient, and resourceful.

And it has been working out quite well for us! Take my youngest, for instance, whenever he sees me cooking, he will come over and say: “Mummy, I want to chop vegetables”. So, it is possible to raise responsible children who take initiative. You just need to set expectations right from the start. Sure, it may not always be smooth sailing but watching them learn and grow fills my heart with pride.

And let me tell you, there is never a dull day with these three. On a typical day, my youngest child will be asking me to pour him a glass of oat milk while I am helping my middle child troubleshoot the Wi-Fi. And as I am tending to the two of them, my oldest child might also be nudging me for help with her math homework. So, it is really not easy juggling the needs of three children. You will need plenty of patience. But even so, I would not trade motherhood for anything else.

Indeed, I admit that like many parents, we have our fair share of concerns around the increased cost of living. This is why we have adopted a strict policy of only buying what we need. In fact, we are still using the first fridge we bought, which has been with us for the past 13 years.

Along the way, I also started upcycling to save money. You know how it is like with children and new toys. They get all excited about a new toy for a week or two, but once the novelty wears off, the toy ends up untouched for months. So, I figured, why not just repurpose everyday household items as toys? Apart from saving money, we are also teaching our children to appreciate what they have and to think outside the box.

Similarly, rather than fixating solely on academic achievements, we believe in cultivating intrinsic motivation and a love for learning in our children. That is where the library comes into the picture. It is a great place to nurture these qualities. Instead of sending our children for academic enrichment, we encourage them to read extensively to develop a strong foundation for literacy.

As a mum of three, I can confidently tell you that children grow up very, very fast. It is just the early, difficult years you need to get through. On that note, I consider myself blessed to have had my parents and in-laws’ support during those formative years. They would take turns cooking for our family throughout the week and that really helped lighten the load for us.

And it really pays to have more than one child. People might ask, how do you cope? I would say by having more children! Because when you have more children, they will simply entertain one another. Sure, they will fight. But you will also see them acquiring social skills and learning how to resolve conflict.

As a parent, my job is not to provide everything to my children on a silver platter, but to nurture and equip them with the resources to pursue their own interests and ambitions. If my children have intrinsic motivation and value, they will naturally possess gifts that will serve them well in the future.

There are days where you might wonder if you should be doing more for your children. But I believe that as long as we are doing our best to guide them, that is more than enough.

Published in May 2024